Title: Sex, Lies and Cosmetic Surgery
Author: Lois W. Stern
Author's Web site: www.sexliesandcosmeticsurgery.com
Genre: Nonfciton: Self-Help/Beauty/Health
ISBN #: 0-7414-3220-X
Reviewed by Nancy Welker, editor-in-chief of FIT BEAUTIFUL MAGAZINE, (now a subscription only membership).
FIRST IMPRESSION
Don’t let the title put you off, this book is both serious and educational. More than one hundred people contributed to the creative process, including women who have added their own experiences anonymously. The author, Lois W. Stern, gives us the stark and touching truth about what happened to her as a plastic surgery patient, and brings to light some of the truths and misconceptions about this very personal journey.
The book is designed to act as a guide for any woman who is considering a cosmetic surgery procedure, and includes worksheets and questionnaires on some delicate subjects such as your self-esteem, your sexuality, signs of depression and testing your body image. “Sex, Lies and Cosmetic Surgery” means to give a woman insights as to how she might react to the emotional aspects of permanently changing her face and/or body appearance, which is something the author feels strongly needs to be addressed. Every chapter in this book is filled with in-your-face honesty, and the author clearly feels that this is how every woman needs to communicate with herself before going under the knife.
A LOOK UNDER THE HOOD
Chapters 5 and 6 are especially thought-provoking as Ms. Stern opens up about her feelings toward the doctor who performed the plastic surgery. The term “transference” is brought into the picture, and the author recounts her own, in her words , “humiliating” experience. In short, I found this book to be one that I could not put down, and frankly, nothing like the scandal sheet type stories we all too often see.
This is not meant to deter any woman from the plastic surgery experience, in fact the author herself had favorable results from a facelift, instead the idea is to make women aware of the possibility of feeling as though you’ve “fallen head over heels” in love with your plastic surgeon, and that it happens more often than most people realize. The message here is that if you do find yourself in that situation, you need to seek out competent help from a professional, and know that this is a transient emotional issue that you can get past with guidance and patience.
YEA OR NAY
Living in an age of “Nip Tuck” and other TV shows that make plastic surgery seem like either a ridiculous choice that insecure women make, or gloss over the fact that medical doctors think it’s fine and okay to have sex with their patients, this book is a candid and intelligent source of reliable information. I liked the fact that the author made it clear that in general it was unethical for an M.D. to become intimate with a patient, but that she showed compassion for the human side of our nature as well, and said that in some rare cases the relationship might be worth pursuing.. Overall an empowering and uplifting book, I recommend “Sex, Lies and Cosmetic Surgery” to any woman who is seriously considering undergoing a cosmetic surgical procedure.
A Note From the Author
I felt both gratified and most appreciative of the totally unsolicited review the editor of FitBeautiful placed on her blog. I was overwhelmed by the number of women who added thoughtful comments - 52 and counting - the most I have ever seen appear on any interactive blog. No doubt the topic of transference had hit hard! Women could identify. They wanted - no needed - to talk about it. I told them that Utter Humiliation was the most difficult chapter I ever wrote. Well, let me rephrase that a bit. It was the most difficult chapter for me to decide if I should write, knowing I might be setting myself up as an open target. Then why did I do it? Simply because deep down I knew that if I had experienced such an emotional upheaval, I couldn't be alone. I could help other cosmetic surgery patients handle transference issues with more ease and comfort. The truth has a way of setting us free.
Reader Comments
Posted by Joelyn
I’ve heard of women who fall in love with their plastic surgeons. I had a nose job when I was 30 and my surgeon (thank god) was not at all attractive to me. He did good work but I didn’t think twice about him! This book is really something every woman should read. I feel sorry for those who have no idea what might happen and are going through this emotional turmoil after the surgery.
Posted by Nola
I worked for a family council center for 5 years so I know what transference can be. Women who have just had surgery are especially vulnerable anyway and can actually come to think that the surgeon is some kind of knight on a white horse who has no flaws at all. It’s not something that’s going to fade away without help. This book could save a lot of women from the humilation the author herself went through. Good review!
Posted by Dianne
My mother had a facelift 5 years ago and I couldn’t understand what was wrong with her after that. She looked beautiful, and everyone complimented her on the results, but she still would sit crying for no apparent reason. I had no idea what this was, but after reading your review last night, I went to the links you have and started reading from there. There’s no doubt in my mind that my mom was going through emotional issues due to the surgery. My dad and she had had some problems but it seemed to suddenly get huge when she was recovering. I’m glad I know more about this. I’m buying this book and giving it to my mom. I want her to know that I love her and support her.
Thanks, Nancy (editor of NutraBeauty).
Posted by Marianna
I had not even thought about the emotional side of plastic surgery! It really is more about how you feel than you look when you think about it. And wow, if a women gets great results she probably can fall for her doc! I do want to get a facelift – as soon as I can afford it – but, first, I’m buying this book!
Posted by Christina
If I had read a book like this before my surgery I would’ve been much better equipped to deal with the emotional side of it. It’s very real and unless you’ve been through it you really don’t understand it.
Posted by Cupcakes
There are some good points made here. It really does depend on the man/woman in question. If two people are lucky enough to find each other the rest of the world should be happy for them. Yes, the woman probably does need to find another doctor, but there should be no shame in it for either of them! Also, the book looks very good. I’ve seen it before and wondered about it. Thanks for letting us know that it’s not just another trashy kind of book!
Posted by PurpleHat
After reading your review, I went out and got this book. It really is as good as you said it is!
Posted by ItalianFlower
My mother used to say all the time that she fell in love with Dr. Kildaire when that show was on tv! I agree that every woman feels some kind of attachment to a real-life doctor sometime in her life. When I was pregnant I had very warm feelings toward my doctor, and when I told the nurse she laughed and said that I was one of a dozen other patients who felt the same way! This is a very good book, I have it, and I will follow the author’s advise and ask myself every question in it before I get plastic surgery!----- The New Book Review is blogged by Carolyn Howard-Johnson, author of the multi award-winning
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